RYM 051: How To Handle Conflict As A Youth Ministry Leader

Conflict can lead to uncomfortable, anxiety-filled experiences for just about everyone. So what do we do when conflict arises in our youth ministries? The truth is, there are all different ways to handle conflict—some of those ways are healthy and some are unhealthy. On this episode, join ministry leaders as they discuss the best ways to handle conflict as a youth ministry leader and why it’s important for our students to see us handle conflict in a healthy way.

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  • What are the fears that cause us to dread conflict? (2:30)
  • Choose your battles carefully and decisively. (2:45)
  • There is no such thing as avoiding conflict—it’s delaying it. (12:00)
  • Recognize where your conflict management training came from. (15:45)
  • It’s important to think about the purpose of the conflict and where the conflict will lead. (18:30)
  • Conflict without trust leads to pessimism. (21:00)
  • If you shield yourself from all conflict, you stop growing. (23:30)
  • How do you recognize when conflict is healthy and when it isn’t? (24:00)
  • We have to teach teenagers how to have conflict with each other. (32:00)
  • Students have to see us work out conflict together. (37:00)
  • State what you observe. State how you interpret what was said or done. Ask the person to clarify. (45:00)
  • Easy learning never equals strong skills. (50:00)


Book: Radical Candor – Kim Scott

Book: Level Three Leadership – James Clawson

Book: Dare to Lead – Dr. Brene Brown

Book: How to Have That Difficult Conversation – Dr. Henry Cloud

Book: Crucial Conversations – Kerry Patterson


We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic and this episode! To join the conversation, leave us a comment here on our episode page or in our Facebook Group. Not a member of our Facebook Group yet? Click the button below to join!




Brett is an XP3 Orange Specialist with Orange after spending 11 years in full time ministry. He’s been married to his amazing wife since 2004. They have three amazing and hilarious kids who constantly keep them busy and laughing. He loves baseball, golf and makes amazing turkey melt sandwiches (if he has the time and ingredients, otherwise they’re just average).



Stuart Hall is an influential leader who speaks to thousands of students, leaders, coaches, and parents each year. Stuart has coauthored three books: The Seven Checkpoints: Seven Principles Every Teenager Needs to Know, MAX Q: Developing Students of Influence, and Wired: For a Life of Worship, Leaders Edition. Stuart also laughs incessantly, serves as a volunteer high school varsity girls basketball coach, and loves his wife and three kids.



Tom Shefchunas is the Executive Director of Student Strategy at Orange. In this role, he leads the development and strategy for XP3 Middle School and High School curriculumPreviously, Tom was North Point MinistriesMulti-Campus Director of Transit, their middle school ministry, for 12 years. And before that, he spent 10 years as a high school teacher, coach, and principal. Additionally, he is the co-author of Lead Small with Reggie Joiner. Tom and his wife, Julie, live in Cumming, Georgia, with their three children, Mac, Joey, and Cooper.



Crystal currently leads the XP3 High School initiative at Orange. Before that, she spent 10 years as a high school teacher and student ministry leader, doing everything from leading small groups to speaking to curriculum design. Crystal and her husband, Tom, live in Alpharetta, GA with an ill-tempered chihuahua named Javier.

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Orange Conference 2018