RYM 049: Why You Should Never Talk About Purity Again

For so long, the Church has approached the topics of sex and sexuality through the lens of purity. But with all the baggage associated with the word purity, could there be something better to use in its place? On this episode, join ministry leaders as we discuss the differences between sexual purity and sexual integrity—and how understanding these differences could change the way we lead students.

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  • We disregard so many stories when we use the word purity. (3:30)
  • The Church has a very complicated perspective about the physical body. (5:00)
  • We must admit that as humans we are sexual beings. (5:30)
  • Purity is less about the absence of sin and more about the fullness of God. (6:00)
  • You can be full of God and make mistakes. (6:30)
  • How did the purity movement become a movement? (9:00)
  • Marriage is not the finish line for purity. (12:00)
  • Is sexual integrity the alternative to sexual purity? (17:00)
  • We have misappropriated the most important parts of sexuality. (18:00)
  • Sexual integrity means guarding my potential for intimacy through appropriate boundaries and mutual respect. (19:00)
  • What is intimacy? (20:30)
  • Respect and responsibility are mutual when it comes to sexual integrity. (25:00)
  • Our beliefs are shaped by the people and the stories we know. (29:30)
  • What we are saying to students must not only be true and helpful, but connect with each individual story in the audience. (32:00)
  • We have to get comfortable with the fact that teenagers have desires, and those desires need to be talked about. (36:00)
  • How can youth pastors help parents win with this topic? (37:00)
  • We have to change the narrative from sexual purity to sexual integrity. (40:30)
  • Guilt erodes our ability to have intimacy. (46:00)
  • Failure is an event, not a person. (47:00)



Resource: First Look Curriculum

Resource: 252 Kids Curriculum

Resource: XP3 Middle School Curriculum 

Resource: XP3 High School Curriculum

Resource: The Phase Guides 


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Sarah is a writer and communicator who has been involved in ministry since 2003. In 2007, she joined the XP3 high school team where she now works as a lead writer and content creator. She also a contributing writer to the Parent Cue blog. Sarah lives in Roswell, Georgia, and is a big fan of her husband, her two boys, Asher and Pace, and, in her weaker moments, McDonald’s french fries.



Stuart Hall is an influential leader who speaks to thousands of students, leaders, coaches, and parents each year. Stuart has coauthored three books: The Seven Checkpoints: Seven Principles Every Teenager Needs to Know, MAX Q: Developing Students of Influence, and Wired: For a Life of Worship, Leaders Edition. Stuart also laughs incessantly, serves as a volunteer high school varsity girls basketball coach, and loves his wife and three kids.



Kristen Ivy is the executive director of messaging at The reThink Group, commonly referred to as Orange. Before beginning her career at Orange in 2006, Kristen earned her bachelors of education from Baylor University in 2004 and a Master of Divinity from Mercer University in 2009. She worked in the public school system as a high school Biology and English teacher where she learned firsthand the joy and importance of influencing the next generation. She and her husband Matt are currently parenting their Kindergartener, Sawyer, preschooler, Hensley, and newborn, Raleigh, through the phases.



Charlie is an XP3 Orange Specialist at Orange after spending the past 20 years working with students in educational and ministry settings. Most recently, Charlie spent 12 years as the middle school youth pastor in a thriving Methodist church in the Metro Atlanta area. Charlie grew up in rural Illinois but has been living in metro Atlanta, GA for the past 14 years. She lives with her husband Eric, her sometimes snarky but lovable daughter, and their three pups.

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Orange Conference 2018