Raising kids isn’t for the faint of heart. There’s bound to be messes, sleepless nights, and questions (oh so very many questions) along the way. The parents in your church and in your community can’t—and shouldn’t have to!—do it alone.
Today on The Pod, we’re joined by Carey Nieuwhof, father, pastor, and author of the book Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, as well as Orange’s own Holly Crawshaw, part of our Parent Cue team. Together we begin a conversation on five timeless principles that every parent can use right now. We move from big ideas to practical advice, with a whole lot of personal stories of failure and success mixed in.
Welcome to Episode 47 of the Think Orange Podcast!
Dave and Holly interview Carey Nieuwhof (9:34)
Story behind the book Parenting Beyond Your Capacity (11:33)
The five principles of parenting beyond your capacity (12:40):
• Widen the circle
• Imagine the end
• Fight for the heart
• Create a rhythm*
• Make it personal*
What it looks like to widen the circle (15:42)
Advice for parents who don’t know where to begin finding mentors for their kids (21:43)
How to imagine the end (24:39)
Prioritizing time together away from home (29:11)
Why we must fight for the heart (33:19)
Practical steps for building influence with your child (37:54)
Dave and Ashley’s final thoughts (43:01)
Ministry leaders have the opportunity to partner with parents as they widen the circle (43:39)
We’re not raising kids, we’re raising adults (45:04)
What it looks like for a student ministry leader to fight for the heart (46:56)
* Producer’s note: We’ll be talking about Create a Rhythm and Make It Personal next week in Episode 48. You won’t want to miss it!
People, Places & Helpful Resources
Blog: Orange Leaders – a blog with strategies, tips and ideas from leaders influencing the faith and character of the next generation
Carey Nieuwhof is the founding pastor of Connexus Church, a growing multi-campus church north of Toronto and strategic partner of North Point Community Church. Prior to starting Connexus, Carey served for 12 years in a mainline church, transitioning three small congregations into a single, rapidly growing church. Carey is the author of several best-selling books, including the Amazon #1 best-selling Lasting Impact: 7 Powerful Conversations That Will Help Your Church Grow. He is also the author of Leading Change Without Losing It and co-author of Parenting Beyond Your Capacity. Carey writes one of today’s most widely read Christian leadership blogs at CareyNieuwhof.com and hosts the top-rated Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast, where he interviews some of today’s best leaders. He speaks to North American and global leaders about leadership, change and personal growth. He and his wife Toni live near Barrie, Ontario and have two sons.
Holly is the Lead Writer for Life Stage Strategies at Orange, working on the Parent Cue team. Before joining the Orange team, Holly joined the staff of North Point Ministries to work with middle school students, as well as serving as the Director of Preschool at Browns Bridge Community Church. Since then she has had opportunities to speak at camps, retreats, conferences, and Sunday morning environments. Throughout her experiences over the last nine years, Holly has seen the vitalness in creating fun and engaging environments for students to connect to one another and with their heavenly father. She has also found that there is a dire need and importance for female communicators for young women growing up today.
Quotes from This Episode
Every family occasionally fights with each other, but we need to fight for each other. Click To TweetYou need to pursue intentional relationships for your child before they need them so they’re there when they need them. Click To TweetEvery parent is on a journey from control to influence. Click To Tweet
Ideas to Influence the Next Generation
Parenting success is comprised of a series of moments and not one single point in time.
As ministry leaders, we want to help families win. But if you work in a church, you have a limited amount of time with the kids and students in your midst. On average, you have 40 hours a year to say everything you want to say and do everything you want to do. For this reason, what you do on Sunday matters.
But how you set parents up for the week matters more. Because, while you have 40 hours, a parent has about 3,000 hours with their child in a given year. That’s 75 times the amount of potential influence you will ever have as a church!
That’s why Sunday should be a launch pad for what happens at home during the week.
In Deuteronomy 6, Moses gave history’s first mini-parenting seminar. In it, he told the Israelites, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates (Deuteronomy 6:6–9 NIV).”
Moses’ advice for raising the next generation was to take advantage of the moments that already exist in the rhythms of day-to-day life. Instead of encouraging parents to create more moments in their week, we can cue them to use the times they already have better. Every week, most families experience some variation of morning times, drive times, meal times, and bed times together. Through these kinds of opportunities, we can help parents use their 3,000 hours to make a greater impact on the hearts of their kids.
Conversation Starters For Your Church
For ministry leaders:
How would you describe a “perfect” family?
How are we providing and building leaders in our ministry who can be part of a child’s influential circle?
Who are the people who are influential in your children’s lives?
How can you make battling for your child’s heart, for the relationship, more of a priority when you disagree?
What are the rhythms in your family? How can you better leverage this time to have conversations and experiences with your children about faith?
What does your child’s relationship with God look like today? How are you leveraging your influence to point your child toward a relationship with Jesus?
When he’s not working as a pastor at North Point Ministries in Atlanta, Dave is usually making his family cross their arms, roll their eyes, and tap their feet while he takes “just one more quick photo” on family outings. You’ll also often find him up to his neck in “Jewish stuff” as he researches the cultural context of Jesus for his daily Instagram devotions. Learn more about Dave at daveadamson.tv.
Ashley serves as the Director of Middle School Strategy at Orange and the USA Director of Carry 117. She has worked with students in public education, athletic and ministry settings for the last 12 years. She is most passionate about resourcing the local church, communicating on stage, developing leaders, working with students and world missions. In her downtime, you’ll find her watching Friends, cheering on the Cleveland Cavaliers, traveling, reading, or on one of her Fairytale Friday Adventures.
Join Us Next Week
Thank you for listening to the Think Orange Podcast.
We hope you’ll join us for next week’s episode. More importantly, we hope that when you think next generation, you think Orange.