Have you ever heard of a church that turned away a little boy because he had red hair? What if a mother was greeted at the children’s ministry check-in with news her redheaded son had to go back home? No, you can’t imagine. If any church ever sent home a child because of their natural hair color it would make the evening news!
Now, have you ever heard of a church that turned away a little boy because he was on the autism spectrum? What if a mother was greeted at church check-in with the news that her son with autism couldn’t be accommodated? Yes, you can imagine. It happens.
Did you know that the percentage of Americans with red hair¹ is roughly equal to the percentage of 8-year-old boys diagnosed with autism? I think it’s fair to say that statistically speaking, a children’s ministry should have the same number of participating boys with autism as with red hair. That’s pretty sobering. People would go nuts (justifiably) if families of redheaded kids had to figure out which churches were “redhead friendly.” The reality is that this same scenario is happening now for families of kids with autism. While many churches are working to become special needs friendly, there is room for improvement.
Recently a church leader said to me:
“We just don’t have any kids with significant special needs in our church. We haven’t seen the need to create a ministry or think about doing anything special to accommodate students with disabilities.”
I didn’t say anything in response. But given the size of the church, this statement seemed doubtful. Intuition told me that this leader was disengaged and inexcusably unaware of what was going on in the lives of church families. I also wondered if perhaps this leader had, somewhere along the way, earned the reputation of being “unfriendly to special needs.” Once a church or church leader has earned that reputation, impacted families go elsewhere or nowhere.
Looking back on my brief dialogue, I’m pretty sure the Holy Spirit restrained my sharp tongue. Everything inside of me wanted to quip back, “So, your megachurch doesn’t have any kids with red hair?” I’ve since envisioned a hypothetical conversation addressing the statistical improbability of that ministry leader’s declaration. But it’s just as well I didn’t respond the way I wanted to; real change never happens by embarrassing a person.
Okay, back to my point. In church world, we’re at a fork in the road. Up to now, it’s been an accepted norm that not all churches could or should accommodate kids with autism and other special needs. (And I share in my book that not all churches can accommodate to the same degree.) But times are a-changin’. It is no longer acceptable for any church to be unaware of and unprepared to welcome families with special needs. Every church needs a plan for inclusion. And the best place to start is by hiring a special needs friendly family ministry leader.
Autism Facts
- About 1 in 68 children has been identified with autism spectrum disorder (ASD)²
- ASD occurs in all racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic groups.²
- ASD is almost five times more common among boys (1 in 42) than among girls (1 in 189).²
- Parents who have a child with ASD have a 2–18 percent chance of having a second child who is also affected.²
- ASD tends to occur more often in people who have certain genetic or chromosomal conditions. About 10 percent of children with autism are also identified as having Down syndrome, fragile X syndrome, tuberous sclerosis, or other genetic and chromosomal disorder.²
- Almost half (46 percent) of children identified with ASD has average to above average intellectual ability.²
- Most children identified with ASD were diagnosed after age four, even though children can be diagnosed as early as age two.²
¹ Number of Americans with red hair:http://health.yahoo.net/experts/dayinhealth/weird-facts-about-redheads; Total US Population:https://www.census.gov/popclock/
² http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/data.html
Amy Fenton Lee is the Director of Special Needs Initiatives for The reThink Group and author of the book, Leading a Special Needs Ministry: A Practical Guide to Loving Families and Including Children. In a prior life, Amy was a certified public accountant and has related degrees from Baylor University and The University of Alabama. Amy and her husband are the proud parents to a third grade son who keeps them laughing and to a French Bulldog that keeps them up at night. Amy blogs at TheInclusiveChurch.com.
My thought has always been if we build it they will come. If someone came to our church this Sunday with a special needs child, and we weren’t prepared – they wouldn’t come back next week to see if we were ready yet.
That being said, this is an area I struggle with – a lot. I don’t know what to do to prepare or how to go about it… However, we just had a conversation with a mom and we will be adding a sensory station to an area of the church for her son. We are taking baby steps here and I believe what is needed are leaps!
Most of our special needs kids are able to be in with their groups without any changes or additions but that won’t always be the case. I am frustrated, not knowing what to do and very little help.
I guess what I am saying doesn’t make much sense and I’m sorry. I just want to be ready, be prepared, be welcoming. Prayers are definitely appreciated at this point.
Thanks, Debbie! The author of this article, Amy Fenton Lee, also wrote a book about how to start a ministry for children with special needs, as well as a DVD. You can find them on the Orange store: https://secure.orangestore.org/Leading-Special-Needs-Ministry-Amy-Fenton-Lee-Book.html and https://secure.orangestore.org/Surviving-to-Thriving-Successfully-Including-the-Child-with-Special-Needs-by-Amy-Fenton-Lee-DVD.html Also, you can search this blog for other articles by Amy Fenton Lee, or for the term: Special Needs. Let me know if we can help in any way! ~jw
Thank you. I have a friend that cannot send her son to church because of autism. And it seems no Christian school here will take a child that even MIGHT have a learning disability. Quite different from the school I attended from 1978 to 1984, which accommodated some students with some disabilities, if they could be mainstreamed most of the time. In fact, my best friend came to the school because the public schools said she was unable to ever read. That is the witness we need, not the deplorable state in the area I live in now.
And respite care. There are times when getting ready for church is just too big of a stress with the emotional chaos of a special needs child
Special needs children and families are challenging to engage in the church. The families are used to their child being considered a “problem”… not just at church. Parents get gunshy. Their kids are forced to go to school, so the parents will deal with what they have to. Their kids aren’t forced to go to non-school activities, so when their child has a rough time, it’s tempting to bail.
I have a special needs son. He’s relatively high-functioning autistic. I was ashamed and aggravated when he was kicked out of our church’s mother’s day out program. I was aggravated when my wife came home having gotten unsolicited parenting advice from a young Sunday school child care worker for how to control our son. Fortunately, my son has also been able to function in an inclusion environment and has been blessed to have some great teachers to challenge, encourage, and be patient with him. And he has grown spiritually. He’s now in middle school, going to Wednesday night student ministries, chose to be baptized, and serving as a greeter at our church.
My wife and I have also volunteered as a small group leaders for special needs students at our church on Wednesday night. I have been able to retain one student. I’ve done Wednesday night with him for maybe 4 years. His parents are strong Christians and are very supportive. The student has grown a lot in student ministries with me being able to tailor our time together. Other special needs students have visited, but situations have popped up and students and/or families stopped trying. Whether it’s music too loud, their child has an outburst, their child can’t focus well… Maybe I’m too optimistic, but I think usually the situations could have been overcome with time and adjusting accommodations, but the parents and/or students were gunshy. I can empathize. It’s difficult to overcome.
Just sharing my experiences
Andy, Thank you so much for sharing your story and experience. I’m glad that you’ve found a ministry where your family and others are thriving. I think you’re right, many ministry leaders aren’t sure where to start or what to do because of a lack of training. The author of this blog post has two training products for churches who want to start or want to grow a ministry for children with special needs. You can find them here, if you’re interested: https://secure.orangestore.org/search.php?mode=search&page=1&keep_https=yes God bless and have a wonderful weekend. ~jw
Thank you! Thank you! Thank YOU, Amy for writing this and Orange for sharing it.
As a former small group leader Coach at with an ORANGE children’s ministry, the parent of 3 girls with significant special needs, and a professional with a passion for serving children with autism, I am so glad you all shared this!!!
To learn more about me (and my family!), feel free to FB friend me at Burning Britely or check out my blog at burningbrightle.com
Be well,
Kristin Phoenix
I go by no name, no label, no title. To label me is to limit me to the simple prejudices of the mind. No, I remain to be untitled. Free to soar and free to love.
-Anonymous
Thanks for your comments, Kristin! Keep up the good work on your blog! ~jw